So I totally adore my ex boyfriend. But I can't tell anyone. Cause I'm the one who dumped him. For the eighty seventh time in a row. I'm a horrible girlfriend, and he's totally better off, but I miss him. I put the boy through everything for 2 and a half years and he stood there by my side all the times I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and pushed him away. But I think I was scared of letting him in, so I pushed him and pushed him to see if he would leave. Well even when we would break up and I dated other guys, he didn't date other girls. But now the time has finally come and Scott has a girlfriend. I guess I'm not surprised.. I just didn't want it to ever happen. Scott's one of those guys that was like.. MADE for marriage. He's husband material, and he says and does ALL the right things. But I was 16 and then I was 17 and now I'm 18 about to be 19.. I don't want to get married. I love him to death, and I'm happy he's happy.. but I miss him more than anything in the world. And he's fine without me. He deleted me from myspace, all the pictures of me and him together, all the comments, all the blogs.. like he's trying to erase me. And usually we stayed friends.. and so it sucks, I never wanted to miss him, I wish I would have been able to swallow my stupid pride and go back to him, but I couldn't. And now another girl is making him happy. It feels like another girl is kissing MY boyfriend. It feels like another girl is holding hands with MY boyfriend. Another girl is calling MY boyfriend her baby. I hate it. I wish it would stop. I wish I was so stupid and selfish and immature. But no one can know that. I act like I've moved on, talk about a bazillion and three other guys in my journal.. post tons of pictures of me and other guys on myspace.. but Scott was the one I wanted. I was just to stupid to realize it.